Stress and Coping

Tom, I would like to start out by letting you know that you are experiencing something that is very common with newlyweds. Starting a new life with someone else is not something that will be easy. There are many changes that will take some time to adjust to. I want to explain a few things to you that I think will give you some logic and help you understand what is going on and how you can work together to get past these nitpick ordeals and be happy once again.

You have now been married for two months and in this time you should be able identify the triggers that set each other off. Being able to predict the argument before it happens will help you guys in several ways. This will help you to be cognizant of what is going on. I am sure that you both get just as irritated with the other over simple things such as one may leave their clothes on the floor after changing or sleeping with the television on. There must always be a compromise to avoid the argument. Even though you may not feel like placing the clothes in the laundry bin right away, it only takes one minute worth the effort to do so and this will completely avoid a situation. If you also know that sleeping with the television on bothers her, simply place the sleep timer on for 1 hour after and she will no longer have to wake up to the television on and turn it off. Taking this advice will lower stresses simply by predicting the outcomes of your actions.

When people are in the dating stages, we tend to provide more social support to the other because things are still new and we are always trying to please the other. As time goes by this act is often slowly neglected. In getting to know each other we are very open about our past and expectations of where we want to go. We are always giving advice to each other but after a while we lead ourselves to believe that the discovery stage is over. The truth is that there is still something to learn from our partner’s everyday but we feel as if we don’t have time for it anymore due to other things going on. We try to justify this to ourselves by saying that you have the rest of your lives to spend with each other so there will be plenty of time to do it later. Later comes and goes but the problem still remains as well as others that have occurred since the last one. It is very important to stay in touch with each other and always provide some support. This will provide the other with acceptance as well as let them know that you are still as interested in them as you were in the beginning. Social Support buffers the effects of stress lowering the potential for conflict between your guys marriage.

Another important factor is perceived control. This is more important than the actual control of your stress. One’s mood can actually be contagious and feed on to the other. If you are annoyed at something that your wife has done regardless of how simple it was, your wife will feed off of your negative energy and soon develop

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